It's been a long time since I left you....

It's been awhile since I posted last. Two reasons why.

1. I have been so busy with work that I don't really have the time. I got promoted at work and was moved from the direct mail department to the power sports divison. Which is killer diller because my major responsibility now is appareal. That's right bitches I design T-shirts for a living. I pretty much have free reign to do what I wish. Which is real dope, I have some kick ass shirts already created. I will post some in the near future. It is mostly for motorcycle companies, but I do get to go rogue and bang out some real sweet shit.

2. I kind of got burnt out on the whole blog thing. I know I didn't post much, but I have a difficult way of translating stories from funny verbally to funny printed. I am working on it, so stick with me and I guarantee some laughs.

Second verse, same as the first.

Now for something light and fluffy. I am going to steal this idea from my favorite blogger and by far the coolest chick from the cold region of Duluth, Minnesota. So anywho's ;) here we go. I am going to play the ipod game. Hit shuffle and write something honest about the first 5 songs to play, I should tell you that I just backed up my itunes and dumped everything, so everything I have now is mostly new. So here we go (no cheating I promise)......

1. Phantom Limbs by The Shins

I like this band, I always have even when they were outplayed a little after GARDEN STATE had their "Everything Is Creepy" on everyones rotation. This song is cool, it strikes me as a song that would be used in a John Hughes movie if he made one today. Can't you see it, geeky girl gets the stud and they kiss while sitting on a table.....or something 80's like that.

2. This Will Be Our Year by The Zombies

This song has been a favorite of mine since I was a wee bit lad. It reminds me of summer nights driving around in the cool air being in the back seat looking out the sunroof at the moon with the trees bristling above. Being in said back seat with a pretty young thing and exchanging looks of young love/lust with your hands inches apart and feeling that electricity.....Damn if you don't feel like your going to live forever.

3. Lucinda by Tom Waits

I love the beauty and evil in this song. I cannot listen to Tom Waits without thinking of my father. I think if not for him I probably would have never found Mr. Waits and definitely wouldn't have invested the time to appreciate him. If I was ever a boxer this is the song I'd enter the ring to, it just sounds like your marching towards the Gallows pole. It screams "Here comes death, better watchout Motherfuckers!"

4. Carpet Crawlers by Genesis

Now this is classic Genesis way before they became an 80's pop band. This is when the great Peter Gabriel was fronting the band. If your not familiar with early Genesis or Peter Gabriel's solo career do yourself a favor and check it out. Dig deeper than Sledgehammer and In Your Eyes and you'll find some real treats from Peter. Trust me.

5. Lazy Eye by The Silversun Pickups

I fucking love this song. Easily the best rock song to come out in the last 5 years. This is just good garage style rock done by geeky kids. I would recommend this to anyone and the entire album is most excellent too. This is a good "day alone with nothing to do so let's go for a ride song" Yes my head is bobbing as I am writing this, yeah it's that good.


Well this was tons of fun, I will have to do this again. I enjoy sharing music so if there is anything you think I might enjoy from sampling these 5 songs please leave a comment and I will be sure to check it out.

Godspeed

You go..........We go

I almost lost you and I am not sure what I would have done. But luckily for me I didn't have to cross that bridge. You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I love you more than I could ever imagine. It is said a lot from one person to another, but when I tell you this I mean it whole heartedly, I would be completely lost without you. If you would have died, I swear on everything holy, I would have been right behind you. We would have spent eternity sitting in the clouds eating pretzels, sipping on some juicy juice and watching Elmo. I also know you would have been counting the days until Cee-Cee showed up. Luckily for all those involved we are still here and I get to watch you grow hopefully for a long, long time. I know it will be a lot of fun. Stay gold, PonyBoy.

Love this picture

Thank you, whomever you may be.

Today is an especially tough day for me. It's an anniversary of sort, more like a second birthday, a rebirth if you will. On this very date sometime in the hours between 8am and 11am, nine years ago I had my kidney transplant. When I reflect on the events of that day and the two years leading up to it, it's difficult not to become overcome with emotion. It's tough to talk about it with people so I thought maybe I could write about it and hide behind my insecurities (somewhat). People always say it was a miracle, and when you break it down to it's basic components it is strange how all of it came together. If you believe in that sort of thing it would surely qualify as a miracle. There is a joy in it for everyone else involved, but for me it's always been a touchy and troubling issue. I am obviously extremely happy that I am still alive whether by the grace of god or by the miracle of modern science. Yet there is underlining feelings of fear, hurt, failure and regret. I fear that this kidney won't last as long as I want it to and I won't get to see my AVA grow up. That saddens me more for her not having a Father than for me not living and seeing her grow. I have a lot of hurt and hostility towards people who were my friends at the time for not being around as much as I thought they should have been. I have secretly forgiven some of these people because honestly who at the age of 21 wants to hangout in a hospital and watch one of their best friends die. But some will never be forgiven and I will never explain to anyone why, but it is what it is. I have a huge sense of failure when it comes to this "gift" It's something you don't think about until you have to go through it and unfortunately not a lot of people will ever have to go through it so no one can really relate. It's a hard thing living knowing that someone had to die in order for you to live and I've struggled with this for nine years now and to be honest I don't know if I will ever be able to except it. Something or Someone extended my live, so I NEED to live up to that. I am still here for a reason, I just haven't figured out why yet. I know one day I will, then maybe I will rest comfortably. It's been nine years and I remember every thing but only a few details are so fresh in my mind that if I close my eyes I feel like I am in that moment. One I hold so close to my heart only a select few know what it is and the other is the feeling of how alone I felt sitting in the Hospital room . It was in the middle of the night, it was snowing and very peaceful yet I felt empty and ready to die. All I could do was cry, cry because everyone abandoned me, cry because my parents had to come there everyday and watch me die a little more, cry because my 8 year old sister wasn't too young to mentally understand, but old enough to feel my emotional pain, cry because the girl that I loved wouldn't come see me because she couldn't deal with it, cry because all I wanted to do was die already, but the fight that my father instilled in me just wouldn't let me quit. I cried a quiet, slow cry. Just endless streams running down my face with no noise. I had never cried like that ever, and never have since. It was cathartic and I will always cherish that moment. One last thing and I will end this topic until next year. It's been nine years and I have no idea who donated the kidney. All I know was that I was 22 and the cadaver kidney was from a 23 year old and it was a perfect match, only my twin (which does not exist) would have been a better match. I never contacted the family to say hi, and honestly never wanted to. But I would like to take this time to say thank you whomever you are and give a proper toast. One that should have been given at your wake, but was most likely missed. so here goes:

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

To you dear friend, without you there is no me. And I will go on with you as me for as long as I can. Celebrating all the milestones you will never reach for the both of us. You did not die in vain, I won't let it happen.

Thank you

Hang on St. Christopher it's going to be a bumpy ride.....

I recently got a new job with a local advertising firm that specializes in motor-sports (one of their clients is Orange County Choppers) I work in the direct mailer department. I was really jazzed about getting this job because the interview was really informal and they put an emphasis on having fun while working hard. Anyone who knows me knows I like to have fun and I don't mind putting in an honest days work. Well they presented the contract to me and the salary was a little lower than I would normally command but I was okay with it because it seems like a cool atmosphere and I have been looking for a good job forever. The normal work day is from 8am to 6pm which again is par for the course when it comes to working in the design field, it's a 24 hour industry. All fine and dandy and I was real excited to start yesterday. Come to find out not only do I work 10 hour days I also only get a 20 minute lunch break. Yup, I know, but I am taking the wait and see approach. Maybe this place is just a little stepping stone to the next position. I have no problem being a nomad when it comes to finding the right job, even if it does look bad on the 'ol resume.

Let me get to the point of this post, anyone who knows me will tell you that I don't believe in God, but anyone who really knows me knows that I do believe in a higher power I just have a difficult time getting behind organized religion, but that's for a later time. One thing that has always been strange about my life is that I am the walking definition of "the right place at the right time" things have always worked out for me. And for some dumb reason whenever I "talk to god" I always get exactly what I asked for. I asked for a job, I didn't care what I made or what I did just please lord give me a job-I got a job at WestLawn Graphic, a pure hell hole and had to quit before I killed someone. Then I rephrased my question, Please lord just give me a job that is fun and that I can handle skill wise I don't care what you pay me or how many hours I have to work- so I got this job with Company X. You follow the pattern here? I have many other examples of the mighty old phrase "ask and you shall receive" happening to me, but It's also Murphy's Law too "becareful what you wish for, you just might get it" So I like to believe that me and God have and understanding, I've just haven't figured out what type that is yet. Somedays I feel like "someone" is looking out for me, than others I feel like that "someone" is grinding me under their heel.
If there is a master plan for me, I wish they would just get on with it already.

I hate whiners and this is not like me to complain publicly (which begs the question, Is it complaining publicly if no one reads your blog. Hmmmm Arsenio Hmmmmm). So please forgive me in my moment of weakness.

Pig man strikes again...

In light of the fact that not a lot of exciting things have been happening to me lately, I thought it would be cool to retell some of my favorite (and laugh out loud hysterical) stories from the past. If you enjoy them I will keep pumping them out, if you don't, well go fuck yourself.

June/July, 2000

Me and a couple of friends the Notorious P.I.G and Worm decided to head up north to the great city of Boston, Massachusetts to take in all the great sites and catch a ball game at Fenway park being that the three of us are all big baseball fans. So we pack up early Friday morning and began our journey and made it to Boston around dinner time. The game we were due to see was Saturday afternoon so the Friday night events were left for beer drinking and relaxing. Now I don't know what happened to me, maybe it was the fact that I drove in a mini van with Pig who forgot to wear deodorant and one window rolled down for 8 hours or it was the pizza we bought from a place called Hazasdecallaionmpyzxta's Pizzeria owned by some greek gentleman who shared the same anti-Right Guard stance that Pig believed in. Now Pig is a very skin gentleman and he earned his name not due to size or lifestyle but do to his profession, none the less he smelled true to his name that day. Whatever it was come 8 o'clock I was ungodly ill and didn't want to move. My stomach was waging war with itself so I told Pig and Worm to go on without me, hell I even gave them money to buy the first round on me. Nice guy right? how do they repay me? by barging in the room at 4 am screaming like they were auditioning for a walk on role in the Zulu tribe. So after what seemed like forever and a day I got them to sleep and lights were out and we were resting for the night like all good Walton's do. I should let you know that this was a one bed motel room so before hand we flipped quarters to see who got the floor. So as it stood it was Worm and I in the twin and Pig had rug duty. So sometime into dreamland I am awoken to some form of water running. It sounded like someone urinating in the corner of the room. I am instantly alarmed by this because Pig has a tendency to make any part of god's green earth his own personal bathroom (even other human beings) especially when he is drinking. So I go to get up but first I have to remove Worm from me, because he has decided to spoon with me at some point in the night. I smack his hand which is place upon my chest, which brings him into a groggily state and I say "what the fuck in Sam hell are you doing?" he just snorts and roles over. I turn the light on to see an empty room with a pile of blankets where Pig was sleeping. I get up and realize the noise is coming from the kitchen. I work my way over to it and notice that the edge of the carpet near the linoleum floor is soaked and that there is about a 6 inch drop from the carpet into the kitchen area which is completely filled with water. I turn the corner to see Pig standing butt naked (not a rarity) in front of the sink with his man meat in his right hand splashing water off his nuts with his left hand. Doing such in a fashion that you would if you were playfully splashing water at a small child in a pool or the tub. There is water EVERYWHERE. On the counters all of the floors, the sink is flooded (he had the stopper in the sink drain). I yell "PIG, WHAT THE FUCK DUDE?" he turns to me (never stopping the splashing motion) and says and I quote "Do you ask a ballplayer why he's washing his nuts in the sink?" then throws his arms in the air and yells "NO YOU DON'T...STUPID!" pushes pass me and heads into the bathroom and slams the door in my face. I go to reach for the knob so I can tell him I'm not cleaning this shit up and as soon as I grab the knob the door swings open and he yells into my face "I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING, SO FUCKING FORGET IT" and slams the door again in my face. Now all I can do is collapse to the floor in laughter, I hear him get into the shower and I collect myself and turn off the sink and grab all of his blankets and spread them out in the kitchen to soak up the water. I get back in bed and go to sleep. Oh yeah Worm never moved during this whole exchange. The next morning I wake to Worm now laying on my chest and hearing Pig shivering. That asshole got out of the shower and collected his soaked blankets from the kitchen covered up in the ice cold air conditioning and went to sleep. When Worm and I finally woke him up his lips were blue and he had a sore throat. God I truly have love that has no bounds for this man. What a fascinating human being.

If you have the pleasure of knowing who PIG is you know this episode is par for the course, if you don't know who he is you will learn more about him in future stories to come.